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Featured in: Drugs, Fun(ny), Sex(y), Sleep(y), Weird

Taking Ambien and having sex with my new boyfriend

By: ThisCRAZYpill | Jan 26, 2016 - 10:55 am

Quick background to this sex story: Ive had insomnia issues for years and went the prescription route about six months ago. Tried a thousand options, all unsuccessfully, and finally struck gold with Ambien. I take 10mg pretty much every night - total godsend. Recently started dating a new guy. Hes great, Im infatuated, and Im doing everything in my power to not fuck it up. As some of you probably know, the Ambien walrus is very real. If you dont go to bed within 20-30 minutes, youll probably start seeing and doing weird shit. Most nights Im asleep in minutes, but Ive never had insane hallucinations or blacked out and done something ridiculous. Ive watched pillows growl like lions, picture frames morph into dragons, and towels turn into the couple from American Gothic. The worst thing thus far was waking up to an order confirmation from Amazon prime for 24 boxes of sugar-free Jello. Haha, funny story.. Well, that is until 3:30 am today. Last night was our second adult sleepover. Around 3, hes sound asleep and starting to snore a little while Im lying there under his cuddle trap, bug-eyed and wide awake. Id had a long week and the idea of a sleepless night isnt too appealing, so I grab one from my purse, swallow the fucker, and crawl back into bed. We didnt have much to drink earlier and the Ambien walrus rarely hangs out with me, so I wasnt worried about anything. About 15 minutes later, the BF wakes up and starts initiating sex, and Im very down. Hes hot, sex is fun, and lets just say 2015 was the most celibate year of my adult life. Everythings going great - a little making out, a little foreplay, the P goes in the V, everyones happy. Important to note: we arent doing anything remotely freaky. Very enjoyable, but very vanilla. At this point, its right around the 30 minute mark and just in time, the walrus pulls a Michael Jordan and comes out of retirement. The BFs been on top for a few minutes when I suddenly recoil a little. Out of nowhere I scream, Oh my god STOP. Cant we just have sex normally?! He pulls off and says, Im sorry, of course...but what do you mean? Did I do something wrong? I was 100% convinced that we were having sex on stage at the Democratic National Convention while Hillary Clinton was delivering a speech. I thought his bed was next to the podium, and Hil was narrating our every move and explaining how real sex, aka not porn sex, works as part of some sex ed thing. Hes howling laughing, can barely breathe, rolls off of me and tells me that sure, we can leave, well just go to sleep and have some normal sex later. I wake up at 9-ish and as a huge fan of morning nookie, Im all over him. Right as hes about to stick his dick in me, he smirks and goes, Oh Im sorry, is this normal enough for you? I dont have a fucking clue what hes talking about. He starts cracking up and explains the entire thing, which I had ZERO recollection of (though its been coming back to me today). I dont think Ive ever been more embarrassed or turned a brighter shade of red in my life. The bad news is, I dont think I can take Ambien again. Ever. I want to flush my remaining supply down the toilet and tell my doctor to cancel my refills and get me on something new. The good news is, this guy must be quite fond of me, because Im pretty sure yelling that you dont want to fuck on stage at the Democratic National Convention would be a dealbreaker for most people. (Dont worry we still boned after). Oh, and Im not even a Democrat. And I really dont like Hillary Clinton.

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