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Featured in: Holiday, Money, Sports, Stupid, Travel

NOOOOOOOO!! --- We missed the flight by 2 minutes…!!!

By: FunatLanzarote | Mar 24, 2016 - 12:28 pm

This is the true story of Pablo, Diesel and myself (Hansel) going on a trip to Lanzarote. This wasnt the usual beach vacation. Rather, this was a one week fitness and work-out holiday for the real cool people. And we werent the only cool ones – about 50 people from our local fitness group were going. We had talked about this trip for weeks in advance and were excited like little kids. This was the kind of trip that great stories were going to be made from.. We had a 07:05 flight out of London Stanstead to catch, and to make sure we got there in time, Pablo (who btw is the organized one of us) had arranged for an Uber car to pick us all up and take us to the airport. Pablo and Diesel picked me up at 04:30 from Brick Lane as the last man. Diesel (who btw is the thoughtful and kind one of us) even got me a bagel with cream cheese from the local bagel shop. How sweet.. We got to the airport and had almost two full hours until our flight. We had done well – no need to rush! We got through security and then sat down for some breakfast. I wasnt paying attention to the time or flight info, assuming that Diesel and Pablo were. Diesel wasnt paying attention either assuming that Pablo and I were. But Pablo didnt pay attention either.. We chilled, chatted, ate, joked, laughed, chilled some more, had a great time, laughed again. After some time, it hit me that we had a flight to catch, so I jumped up to check the flight board. “Guys, we need to go. Flight leaves in 22 minutes!” We left our food and strolled casually towards the gate, thinking we had plenty of time. Pablo (who btw is also the smart one of us) got a bit uneasy and wanted to rush to the gate. I told him “Dont worry man, we have loads of time, they typically dont take off on time anyways..” Problem was that we were flying Ryanair, the cheapest of the cheap, and the gate was the absolute most remote gate on the entire airport. So it took us forever to get there. We got to the gate and realized there were no people left. The lady behind the counter told us: “Sorry gentlemen, but the gate closed 2 minutes ago.” I wanted to say “PLEEEEEASE, PLEEEEESE, please – we HAVE to go, otherwise I will miss my sisters wedding and I will never be forgiven. Im not making up a story - its true!”, but before I opened my mouth, Pablo (who btw also is the smooth one of us) stepped up to sweet talk us on the plane with every Italian persuasion skill and trick in the book. However, we were facing a feisty Ryanair chic who had her mind made up that this gate was FUKKING CLOSED BITCHES AND YOU JUST MISSED IT, HA! The plane was right there, 20 metres in front of us, and we couldnt get on! There was just no way. We gave up. We couldnt believe it. We couldnt believe how stupid and careless we had been. We were three grown-ups, but we all failed. Disaster. Now what? We needed to get to Lanzarote somehow. The next Ryainair flight was towards the end of the day and not a good option. We looked online on Pablos Mac (he brought it since he needed to work like a monkey during the trip). [Message to Pablos employer: Pablo is a damn good and loyal employee, because even in sunny and wonderful Lanzarote (where most of our minds were in a blissful daze) he devoted hours and hours to you and your thing.] We booked a flight with Easyjet that left a few hours later. Cost: £150 each, or collectively £450. What a waste of hard earned money! But there was one more problem. We were are Stanstead, and the flight was from Gatwick. Solution: Uber. We took an Uber car all the way. Cost: £110. Why not? Living large, right? We got to Gatwick, and had a few hours to kill before the flight. We killed that time in a Pret shop and checked flight times every 10 minutes to make sure we didnt miss this one. We finally get to Lanzarote – hurray!! Lanzarote was warm, sunny and wonderful. On the first day, after the sun set, Diesel (who btw is also the crazy one of us) and I skinny dipped in the outdoor pool. It was mighty cold (except for the kiddie pool). The next day, Diesel fell asleep during a yoga session. He was flat out laying on his back and snored loudly! Pablo fell in love with the yoga instructor. -Yes, it was a woman. To show how cool I was (btw I am probably the plain stupid one of us), I decided to submerge myself for 20 minutes in an ice bath. My lips went blue, then my entire face went blue, and it took me about an hour in the hot, hot jacuzzi and steam room before I felt somewhat normal again. We worked out and exercised, got even tanner and sexier, ate loads, rented a car and drove around the island, went to a restaurant inside a cave, and had lots of fun. Then I screwed up. I decided to join a 100m sprint without warming up. So I pulled my hamstring real bad. When it happened, it was like a big fat lady hit me as hard as she could with a bat in my back-thigh. Since I couldnt even walk anymore, I decided to head home early. I booked a flight for the same day (or so I thought) from Pablos Mac. There went another €130. Pablo was heading home that day too because he needed to get back early for work and a tough mudder event. So we were on the same flight. Diesel very kindly drove us both to the airport. At the airport, Pablo and I were told we could only bring one carry-on item but we both had two. We check in our additional bags. There went another €20 each. Before entering security, I tried to scan my ticket, but it didnt let me through. A lady at the gate looked at the ticket, looked at me and said: “Sir, the ticket is for tomorrow, not today..” FUUUUUUUUUU*****KKK..!!!! How RETARDED is it possible to get! I booked the wrong flight..!! I had fucked up AGAIN – I had booked a flight for TOMORROW!!!!! The travel logistics for this trip had by now turned into an absolute nightmare. And all because of carelessness and recklessness. At this point I conceded that my intelligence level was probably that of an average house cat. Or maybe that was being mean to the average house cat.. I didnt know what to think, I just wanted to punch myself.. But - I had an hour before the flight left. I limped as fast as I could to the counter on the other side to buy a ticket for today. Got it – there went another €110. We finally got everything sorted and boarded the plane and left the island. Personally, I left the island bruised, damaged, beaten up, sunburned, feeling like a complete idiot - and a lot poorer then before I came. Trip made for some stories for sure, just not the ones I had expected..

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